The Sunday of My Discontent

I had a pretty crappy day today.  I don’t usually blog about the crapper side of life, preferring to focus on the positive, but there wasn’t much positive to zero in on today.  I should have skipped riding, or better yet, just stayed in bed.

I headed out to the barn, and knew that things weren’t going to go right when I detected a weird atmosphere lingering in the barn aisle.  Maybe it’s just because my greeting was ignored by the only person in the barn.  Don’t know for sure, but I had that sad sinking feeling in my stomach that told me to just go home.

I started to get Blondie ready, and M appeared a little while after that.  Someone was going to come and look at Gizmo for a breeding, and she was going to start getting him looking presentable.  I finished up with Blondie, and then M asked D if he would oversee my lesson.  The very long pause before he agreed also set me on edge.   Great.  Just wonderful – I so love it when someone who doesn’t really care is going to give me a lesson.

Things were going ok until he had me start cantering figure 8s in the middle of the ring.  I have a terrible time with this on a horse that knows what it’s doing, let alone a horse that doesn’t.  This was a disaster, and M just happened to be looking in on the tragedy as it played out.  She took over the lesson, but by that time I was a frazzled mess, and so was the mare.  Why can’t we start doing these kinds of things with Nyk?  He knows what he’s doing.  I don’t.  Neither does Blondie.  I hate doing pattern work and really felt that today I was asked to do it so I would get all frustrated.

What an awful lesson.  I felt that I took many, many steps backwards during the twenty minutes I was out in the arena.  This is on top of not doing well in the equitation classes at the show on Saturday.  I sucked.  I now feel like all the work I’ve been putting into this was wasted and that I’m not getting any better.  F*ck.  I hate feeling like this.

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2 Responses to The Sunday of My Discontent

  1. Laurie and Audie says:
    Jules. Weve all had those kinds of days at the barn. dont lose faith u r doing so awesome and have cm so far in a short time. -Laurie Jewles. Sometimes I feel the same way, i thnk whats the point of getting up if im just going to get yelled at and get upset and so willl my horse, but my mom helps me out and then i forget about it. cupcake will b good 4 u defently!
  2. Laurie and Audie says:
    the bottom part was from aud.

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